The SAS, the Army and the Police decide to go on a survival weekend together to see
who will come out top. After some basic exercises, the trainer tells them their next
objective is to go down into the woods and come back with a rabbit for tea.
First
up are the SAS. They don their infra red goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into
the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by a single muffled
shot, then they emerge with a rabbit shot cleanly through the forehead. "Excellent"
says the trainer
Next up are the Army. They finish their cans of lager, cover themselves
in camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the
top of their lungs. For the next hour the woods ring with the sound of machine gun
fire, mortar bombs, hand grenades and blood-curdling war cries. Eventually they emerge
carrying the charred remains of a rabbit. "A bit messy, but you got a result. Well
done" says the trainer.
Lastly, in go the Police, walking slowly, hands behind backs,
whistling Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken
by the occasional crackle of a walkie-talkie: "sierra oscar lima one, suspect headed
straight for you" etc. After what seems an eternity, they emerge, escorting a squirrel
in hand cuffs. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" asks the incredulous trainer.
"Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit, like I asked you to 5 hours ago!" So
back they go.
Minutes pass. Minutes turn to hours, day turns to night. The next morning
the trainer and the rest of the crew are awakened by the police, holding the squirrel,
now covered in bruises. "Are you taking the piss?" asks the seriously irate trainer.
The police team leader shoots a glance at the squirrel, who squeaks: "Alright, alright,
ALRIGHT - I'm a f***ing rabbit!"
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